Renewed

photo; cottage at Crystal Cove . Nikon D-200 F10, 1/125 sec lens set at 70mm

My state of being is now the existence beyond my comprehension

I have truly had no experience to match my present situation

I must try to use my imagination to explain my awareness

It is dark, but not completely black

I am crammed tightly in a confined space

The surface around me feels smooth and yet lacks any irregularities

suggesting an opening or way of escape

I sense motion, yet unsure of its meaning

My emotions are mixed, dominated by fear and despair

with an odd feeling of comfort

my fear is that of eminent danger

of a catastrophe about to happen beyond comprehension

or perhaps worst yet, nothing will happen

and I will remain in this prison forever

I ask myself, where am I , how did I get here

I know not where I am, within my confinement nor beyond

am I on a cliff, furied within the earth

or perhaps on the bottom of the sea, I can not know even this.

Yet something tells me I should not be thinking of such things

perhaps I should not be thinking at all

my arms are against my stomach, my knees are against my chest

and I can't even raise my head up fully

I have no abilities and therefore no choices

and if I have no choices what good is my thoughts, but to torment me

perhaps if I were to work very hard within my mind and gained some understanding

could my understanding change anything, could it deliver me

than what good would understanding be, but to torment me

I can think about my dreams, dreams that will never come to be

and what good are thoughts such as there, but to torment me

so now I know that I am imprisoned and with a tormentor, myself and my very thoughts

What is this existence

have I been buried alive in some tomb

will death soon deliver me, I fear not

for not even death can reach me in this place

perhaps my wretched soul is in HELL

can this be hell, shut off from all life with no light

having a mind that works but a body with no life

a mind without love, kindness, compassion, or forgiveness

for I no not even these emotions

they do not exist within my thoughts

nor is there any input to my mind

no experiences to process

only the constant replay of thoughts of myself

no one else exist within my prison, except me and thoughts of me

this must be hell, I've discovered hell

and I fear I shall remain in this state for all eternity

who can save me, can anyone deliver me

oh, wretched soul that I am

I am entombed in my death, a place that even prayer can't reach, I fear

my engulfing thoughts of peril are overwhelming

and yet there does exist a thought of hope, like a seed buried in my cold and barren heart

so I cry out to God and confess that I am a helpless and lost sinner

I beg for forgiveness and invite Jesus into my life to save me from this state of death

and suddenly something begins to happen, a crack has formed

and a sliver of light is now entering my darkness

another crack has appeared, and another

I feel the casing breaking away and light begins to stream in

I see now that the prison that I was in was merely the membrane of an egg

I am free, free indeed

I can move, I am alive, there is light everywhere

it is wonderful, I can see and the beauty I see is beyond any dream I could have had

There is a God and He freed me from my prison

Hey look honey, that man we have been praying for isn't that him going to the alter to

accept Christ

photo; cottage from Crystal Cove and garden walk from Butchart Gardens in Victoria, BC.

7 images of the cottage were taken and blended in hdr process than merged with garden image